My Mental Health Journey

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. I’ve had this post drafted for awhile and didn’t want this month to pass without sharing where I’m currently at with my own mental health journey. It’s a bit nerve-racking to share, but if this past year taught us anything it’s that we create connection through vulnerability. I have to remind myself it’s ok, and healthy, to be vulnerable. Maybe sharing some of this will help you feel less alone in something you may be struggling with.

Anxiety emerges as a response to uncertainty. I’ve struggled off and on with anxiety for years, but candidly it truly augmented during my parent’s divorce. Even though they divorced when I was an adult (I was 28), as an only child I felt… unsafe. Perhaps that’s not the best word to describe it, but like the security of all the ‘knowns’ in my life, the routine, traditions, expectations, was completely blown up. This is not a pity party moment, it’s just something I’m very cognizant of. In fact, I have great relationships with both of my parents and I’m so thankful for that. I just know that when I have these anxious moments in times of uncertainty, my visceral, emotional response is ‘I am unsafe’. It can take real work and mental effort to calm my brain.

So clearly, like many others, my anxiety peaked in 2020. I mean, how could it not? Sometimes I’m in full blown AWE of the profound resiliency of humans. If we can go a full year of ‘what the eff is going on??’ and still have a sense of HOPE and positivity and joy… I mean. Go us. That’s freaking amazing.

Now, how am I feeling as the world slowly returns to normal? Some days, great! I’m hopeful, excited, grateful and relieved. I’ve been starting to go out to restaurants and happy hours to see friends I haven’t seen in months. And then other days, still really weird, a little anxious, a little lost. Perhaps you can relate, but I’ve largely been staring at a multitude of screens for the past 14 months… My laptop, the TV, my phone, even the Peloton is a screen for goodness sake. I’ve been sooo busy with work, there are clearly a ton of changes and chaos happening in our country and the world, and yet my physical everyday surroundings don’t change.

I know things are changing in the world, it’s just a bizarre mental spiral. I’m exhausted, yet not really moving? What is time?! And since things aren’t really changing in my day to day life, I can get into a bit of a mental spin of ‘Do I push for change? Or let things organically flow? Do I plan ahead? Or just take it one month at a time since 2020 blew up all our plans?’

If these thoughts get me into a brain spin or bring up feelings of anxiety, I give myself permission to fret or feel emotional for a minute about the unknowns of the future. Then, if I’m stuck in a negative space, I’ve started to FORGIVE THE NEGATIVE THOUGHT. This is huge for me. Instead of being so hard on myself, I forgive the thought, and then chose a new thought and remain receptive to the possibility of the positive things that lay ahead.

I know I’m not the same person I was a year ago – very few people are. I’m not a mental health expert, but these are the things that have helped me navigate through this time of high anxiety…

Scheduling breaks // There have been days where 5:30pm hits and I realize I haven’t been outside of our apartment yet. I’ve started scheduling 10-minute breaks to go outside, take a quick walk, grab a coffee, take Potsie out. Just something away from my laptop for short increments.

Therapy // I’ve invested in therapy off and on since 2015 and find it to be beneficial and cathartic to just talk or even word vomit all my emotions to someone other than friends and family. It’s really helped me feel normal and pinpoint some coping mechanisms when anxiety hits.

Changing my work environment // Now that I’m fully vaxxed, I’ve started working a few hours at coffee shops or even at an empty office with a friend. Changing up where I sit everyday has helped my motivation and mindset.

Movement // Working out and sweating ALWAYS puts me in a good mood. If I’m especially anxious I’ll go on a run, walk, Peloton or do some yoga. Getting into my physical body really helps me get out of my head.

Keeping a simple, clean space at home // I’ve shifted more towards a minimalist aesthetic over the years and I think part of it is the mental freedom of not being responsible for so much ‘stuff’. Keeping my home space clean, organized and simple helps my mindset.

Meditation // Again, if I feel that anxiety creeping in, I’ll do a 10-minute meditation. Sometimes I’ll follow along with a guided Peloton meditation or I’ll just sit and repeat a positive manta paired with my breathing, such as “I am calm, I am present.”

Having patience with myself and others // This one can be tough, but I remind myself we are ALL going through something right now and I need to have patience with myself and others. Patience with my co-workers, patience with Zak, patience with family and friends. Patience with strangers in line at Trader Joe’s. Ha. We aren’t going to just bounce back to pre-covid normalcy in a minute, so this transition takes patience.

If nothing else, I hope this post makes you feel you’re not alone if you’re going through something similar right now. Mental health is 1000% just as important as physical health. In fact, our mental health greatly impacts our physical health, and I think it’s imperative that we start talking about it and supporting each other on our journeys. Please reach out to friends, family or send me a note if you need a listening ear right now. I hope I can continue to support you and make you feel not alone, even if it’s just from this small space on the internet.